Some Really Dead Queens

If one decides to casually sniff about the internet for the presence of dead queens, a surpsising number can be found. Our dearly departed never did go to prom, but since this seems to be a major theme among the internet masses, here is an homage to Six Dead (prom) Queens:

Catherine of Aragon

~ so dramatic ~

Anne Boleyn

~ who always was a man eater ~

Jane Seymour

~  still smiling  ~

Anna of Cleves

~ not the face you expected ~

Kathryn Howard

~  party girl ~

Katherine Parr

~ even dead queens should be diligent workers ~

The Queen is dead! Long live... the next Queen!

Well, we've spent a great week here at Piccolo reminiscing over the anniversary Anne Boleyn's trial and execution. (Thanks, Brianna, for all of your excellent posts!)

We have no time to waste our tears on poor Anne Boleyn, because we're on to the next important date.... May 20, 1536, only one day after Boleyn's execution, Henry VIII had Jane Seymour on his arm, officially betrothed and his next Queen!  And all of England's citizens shouted.....

Huzzah!?!?

Picture this:
Anne Boleyn, once Henry's "entirely beloved", is dressed for execution, during which Henry is nearby on a hunting trip in Richmond Park (or Epping) awaiting confirmation of his wife's death. During which, Jane is already at Wolfhall in Wiltshire, preparing for the nuptials. As soon as Henry heard the signal guns booming, or saw the signal flag, he is reported to have joyously exclaimed "Uncouple the hounds, and away!", no longer caring about the game they had just been pursuing.  He raced to Wolfhall to tell Jane...and was dressed in white satin the very next day for their betrothal, and to be married 10 days later.

I think it's hilarious that in our production of "Six Dead Queens", Jane loves to reenact the scene of her betrothal, and uses it to cheer up the other queens when things get too serious.  In our version, Jane plays it with a sweet, innocent, (and slightly sexually repressed) flair, nearly erasing entirely the horrible irony of what had just happened to Boleyn less than 24 hrs earlier. It turns into something of a cover of a romance novel, Jane's hair flowing over her green silk negligee as Henry sweeps her into his arms. I wonder if this was Foresight Theatre's (the play's creators) way of painting Jane in the best light possible?

It's hard to tell, for little is known about Jane as a person.  She could not write much more than her name, so only one letter is known to survive. It is well known that Jane, who's motto was "to serve and obey" was a silent and meek queen, who in 18 month as queen, was not known for muttering anything worth preserving in writing. Well, with the exception of sending two bucks to the Park Keeper at Havering-att-Bower.  And even on this single act of state, she used Henry's seal rather than her own.  Reining in the shadow of beheaded Anne Boleyn, I can only imagine that Jane took it upon herself to be the complete opposite of the former queen.

A few sources have stated that Jane was one of the lucky queens not to outlive Henry's love. However, as Jane went through the difficult birth of Prince Edward, Henry was asked by his physicians that should they only be able to save the mother or the child, what should they do? "If you cannot save both, at least let the child live," was Henry's characteristic reply; "for other wives are easily found."

Jane would never have a coronation ceremony, and apparently never made much of an impression on anyone but the king.  However, she was the only wife to bear Henry a son, for which he would unofficially always allow her special status.  Her body was embalmed and laid to rest in the tomb at Windsor Castle which Henry was building for himself. Years after her death, even while he was married to other women, Jane continued to appear in royal portraits as queen consort. There is a short, biting little scene in "Six Dead Queens" in which Jane taunts Katherine Parr about this, even though Parr ended up being the best mother any of the royal children ever had. 

The "Dynasty Portrait".  Originally hanging at Whitehall, and a point of contention in "Six Dead Queens" between Seymour and Parr.  Left to right: Henry VIII, Henry VII, Elizabeth of York and Jane Seymour.

The king wore black until well into 1538 and waited more than two years to marry again. This was the longest interval between marriages during his reign. I guess that's possibly as close to true love with Henry as anyone got.

One of the questions our Dead Queens repeatedly ask is "Who was the true queen?"  And if we mean to ask this from Henry's perspective, a strong argument could be made for Jane simply because she provided the male heir to the throne.  (And in our play she CONSTANTLY makes this argument, much to the irritation of the other queens.)  However, since Elizabeth I ended up being the actual heir (due to the untimely deaths of both Edward and Mary), one could easily argue on this principle that Boleyn was the true queen.

What was going on in Jane's head as her betrothal day neared?  Was she the true queen? Had she coldly schemed her way to Henry's heart, or was she simply a somewhat oblivious piece in the larger puzzle laid out by her powerful family?

Personally, playing Katharine Parr, I find Seymour fairly obnoxious and unbearable (but played brilliantly by Brianna!), so my thoughts may be slanted. I'd love to hear what others think.


-Denita (Queene Parr)


Sources:
http://www.tudorhistory.org/seymour/
http://www.tudorplace.com.ar/aboutJaneSeymour.htm
http://www.luminarium.org/encyclopedia/janeseymour.htm

My opinion.

Katherine of Aragon was too good of a person to ever say things like what I am about to say

 

Ohh, Anne Boleyn. What an effing bitch.

 

Okay. There are good things about her:

   1. She kept too many Protestants from being persecuted.

   2. She gave birth to Elizabeth.

   3. She was very generous to certain causes.

 

Other than that, she was just plain vindictive.

   1. She threatened to have Katherine and Mary poisoned.

   2. She urged Henry to have them put to death.

   3. For a past occurrence in which Wolsey pissed Anne off (which ultimately led to her being Queen), she pretended to be his friend, then turned on him, leading to his arrest and death sentence.

   4. Immediately after Henry shoved Katherine away to a Northern residence and before Anne was technically queen, Anne persuaded Henry to let her travel on the Queen's barge. She then proceeded to attack Katherine's seal, destroying them almost ritualistically, and pretty much just doing her best to degrade the old queen in this way. 

 

I realize this only suggests she was mean to anyone whom she felt kept her from getting her way, but I think even were I not sympathetic to Katherine I would not have liked her. Not even the four-year-olds in my preschool class act like that. Someone needed to give her a good, hard bitch slap. I think cutting off her head went a little too far (especially since she did nothing treasonous, not counting the above arguments), but she definitely needed to be at least tazed. 

 

My opinion.

 

Amy

The Trial of "The Most Happy"

On this day, 15th May 1536, Anne Boleyn and her brother George had their trial.

Anne's trial at the king's hall was a public spectacle, with over 2,000 attending.  A huge platform had been erected on which the trial would take place, to allow room for the spectators below. Her own uncle, the Duke of Norfolk, represented the king and was throned beneath a vibrant canopy which bore the royal arms. The four other men with whom she had supposedly adultured had already been tried and found guilty the day before.


She came to face her jury in a black velvet gown and scarlet damask, with a cap sporting a black and white feather on her head. Always known for her fashion and making an appearance, Lancelot de Carles described Anne’s entrance: “She walked forth in fearful beauty” and “seemed unmoved as a stock, not as one who had to defend her cause, but with the bearing of one coming to great honour.”


Crispin de Milherve, another witness, is quoted by Alison Weir who wrote that Anne “...presented herself with the true dignity of a queen, and curtseyed to her judges, looking round upon them all, without any sign of fear… She returned the salutations of the lords with her accustomed politeness… [after seeing her father] she stood undismayed, nor did ever exhibit any token of impatience, or grief, or cowardice.”


Anne was noted for her resolute and composed features as she plead "Not Guilty" to her charges of incest, adultery, promising to marry Norris after the King’s death, conspiring the King’s death and laughing at the King and his dress. She answred smoothly all her questions, kept her composure and was never ruffled. Yet the swordsman had already been sent for, and her accused partners in incest already found guilty and sentenced to die horribly. It was only logical that if they were guilty, she must be as well.


The Jury was unanimus in their verdict. Anne was guilty. Her title of Queen was never considered, never even mentioned at the trial. Her uncle, the Duke of Norfolk,  pronounced the sentence.


George Constantine, Sir Henry Norris’s manservant, later wrote of how the Duke wept as he sentenced his niece:

“Because thou hast offended against our sovereign the King’s Grace in committing treason against his person, and here attainted of the same, the law of the realm is this, that thou hast deserved death, and thy judgment is tis: that thou shalt be burned here within the Tower of London on the Green, else to have thy head smitten off, as the King’s pleasure shall be further known of the same.”

She was left to wonder whether she would be burned or, mercifully, beheaded.
Chapuys and others reported later that she remained composed and addressed the court, saying she was ready to die but regretted that innocent people had to die for her. There are many accounts of her speech, written after the fact to report the dramatic doings of the English court allover the world and most likely exaggerated. Alison Weir gives us Crispin de Milherve’s account of Anne's words after she received her sentence:

“My lords, I will not say your sentence is unjust, nor presume that my reasons can prevail against your convictions. I am willing to believe that you have sufficient reasons for what you have done; but then they must be other than those which have been produced in court, for I am clear of all the offences which you then laid to my charge. I have ever been a faithful wife to the King, though I do not say I have always shown him that humility which his goodness to me, and the honours to which he raised me, merited. I confess I have had jealous fancies and suspicions of him, which I had not discretion enough, and wisdom, to conceal at all times...As for ...those others who are unjustly condemned, I would willingly suffer many deaths to deliver them, but since I see it so pleases the King, I shall willingly accompany them in death, with this assurance, that I shall lead an endless life with them in peace and joy, where I will pray to God for the King and for you, my lords.”

Henry Percy, Earl of Northumberland, Anne’s girlhood sweetheart, collapsed and had to be taken out of the courtroom. Anne was escorted out by her jailer, with an axe turned against her to show she had been sentenced to death.

While Anne was taken back to the tower, it was George's turn to face the jury. According to court records, Anne“tempted her brother with her tongue in the said George’s mouth and the said George’s tongue in hers.”

Witnesses all reported that George was brave, witty and put up a good fight. But he too was sentenced to a traitor's death:

“that he should go again to prison in the Tower from whence he came, and to be drawn from the said Tower of London through the City of London to the place of execution called Tyburn, and there to be hanged, being alive cut down, and then his members cut off and his bowels taken out of his body and burnt before him, and then his head cut off, and his body to be divided into quarter pieces, and his head and body to be set at such places as the King should assign.”

And so it was that the mighty Boleyns fell.

From My Doleful Prison

Before we embark on the trial of Anne Boleyn, here is a letter she wrote to Henry from the tower on May 6, 1536. It was later found in Cromwell's possessions, which may mean it never reached the King. I found it at  The Anne Boleyn Files, a wonderfully detailed site you should check out if you want to see more!

” Sir, your Grace’s displeasure, and my Imprisonment are Things so strange unto me, as what to Write, or what to Excuse, I am altogether ignorant; whereas you sent unto me (willing me to confess a Truth, and so obtain your Favour) by such a one, whom you know to be my ancient and professed Enemy; I no sooner received the Message by him, than I rightly conceived your Meaning; and if, as you say, confessing Truth indeed may procure my safety, I shall with all Willingness and Duty perform your Command.

But let not your Grace ever imagine that your poor Wife will ever be brought to acknowledge a Fault, where not so much as Thought thereof proceeded. And to speak a truth, never Prince had Wife more Loyal in all Duty, and in all true Affection, than you have found in Anne Boleyn, with which Name and Place could willingly have contented my self, as if God, and your Grace’s Pleasure had been so pleased. Neither did I at any time so far forge my self in my Exaltation, or received Queenship, but that I always looked for such an Alteration as now I find; for the ground of my preferment being on no surer Foundation than your Grace’s Fancy, the least Alteration, I knew, was fit and sufficient to draw that Fancy to some other subject.

You have chosen me, from a low Estate, to be your Queen and Companion, far beyond my Desert or Desire. If then you found me worthy of such Honour, Good your Grace, let not any light Fancy, or bad Counsel of mine Enemies, withdraw your Princely Favour from me; neither let that Stain, that unworthy Stain of a Disloyal Heart towards your good Grace, ever cast so foul a Blot on your most Dutiful Wife, and the Infant Princess your Daughter:

Try me, good King, but let me have a Lawful Trial, and let not my sworn Enemies sit as my Accusers and Judges; yes, let me receive an open Trial, for my Truth shall fear no open shame; then shall you see, either mine Innocency cleared, your Suspicion and Conscience satisfied, the Ignominy and Slander of the World stopped, or my Guilt openly declared. So that whatsoever God or you may determine of me, your Grace may be freed from an open Censure; and mine Offence being so lawfully proved, your Grace is at liberty, both before God and Man, not only to execute worthy Punishment on me as an unlawful Wife, but to follow your Affection already settled on that party, for whose sake I am now as I am, whose Name I could some good while since have pointed unto: Your Grace being not ignorant of my Suspicion therein.

But if you have already determined of me, and that not only my Death, but an Infamous Slander must bring you the enjoying of your desired Happiness; then I desire of God, that he will pardon your great Sin therein, and likewise mine Enemies, the Instruments thereof; that he will not call you to a strict Account for your unprincely and cruel usage of me, at his General Judgement-Seat, where both you and my self must shortly appear, and in whose Judgement, I doubt not, (whatsover the World may think of me) mine Innocence shall be openly known, and sufficiently cleared.

My last and only Request shall be, That my self may only bear the Burthen of your Grace’s Displeasure, and that it may not touch the Innocent Souls of those poor Gentlemen, who (as I understand) are likewise in strait Imprisonment for my sake. If ever I have found favour in your Sight; if ever the Name of Anne Boleyn hath been pleasing to your Ears, then let me obtain this Request; and I will so leave to trouble your Grace any further, with mine earnest Prayers to the Trinity to have your Grace in his good keeping, and to direct you in all your Actions.

Your most Loyal and ever Faithful Wife, Anne Boleyn

From my doleful Prison the Tower, this 6th of May.

(Taken from The Life and Death of Anne Bullen, Queen Consort of England, printed by G. Smeeton, Charing Cross, Britain, 1820 and “Letters and Papers, Foreign and Domestic of the Reign of Henry VIII, ed. J.S. Brewer, J. Gairdner & R.H. Brodie 1862-1932).

On this day in 1536

The trials of four of the men with whom Anne was accused of ...shall we say, dallying, had already been concluded.

On the 12th May 1536, Mark Smeaton,the musician Anne had been fond of;  Sir Henry Norris, Sir Francis Weston and Sir William Brereton were tried at a special commission ( seperately from Anne and her brother George, who were members of the nobility). These men had little chance against the towering Tudor legal system. There was no defense counsel and they did not have any previous knowledge of the evidence to be used against them, yet they were responsible to prove their innocence--rather than the Crown having to prove their guilt.
When they walked into that courtroom for the first time and layed eyes on their jury, they must have known they were doomed. The Jury consisted almost entirely of men who were either politically inclined against them, owed special favors to the king, or at least would not have wanted to anger him in any way. As Alison Weir writes in The Lady in the Tower,

“Given the affiliations of these men, and the unlikelihood that any of them would risk angering the King by returning the wrong verdict, the outcome of the trial was prejudiced from the very outset.”

The trial went just as you may predict. As Eustace Chapuys, the Imperial Ambassador, wrote to Charles V later in the week,

"Only the groom confessed that he had been three times with the said putain and Concubine. The others were condemned upon presumption and certain indications, without valid proof or confession.”

So it was, only Smeaton confessed (most likely under torture) and the other three pleaded Not Guilty. But they were unable to convince their jurors. All four men were found guilty on all charges, declared traitors and sentenced to the usual traitor’s death, to be “hanged, drawn and quartered, their members cut off and burnt before them, their heads cut off and [their bodies] quartered” at Tyburn.

Yikes.
Which brings us to today.

The following is also from Chapuys' letter to Charles V:

“The day before the putain’s condemnation he sent for Mrs. Semel by the Grand Esquire and some others, and made her come within a mile of his lodging, where she is splendidly served by the King’s cook and other officers. She is most richly dressed.”

That "Mrs. Semel" is Jane Seymour. Sir Nicholas Carew had been sent by the King to move Jane nearer him and install her in a house in Chelsea. The day before Anne Boleyn is found guilty. (But I'll save more on that for tomorrow!)

Here is a letter from Cromwell to his good buddies Gardiner and Wallop, 14th May 1536. If it isn't already apparent that the cards are stacked against Queen Anne, this will seal the deal. Nothing a little bribery, flattery and promises can't take care of:

“The King has deferred answering their letters sent by Salisbury till the arrival of the bailly of Troyes. Has to inform them, however, of a most detestable scheme, happily discovered and notoriously known to all men. They may have heard the rumour of it. Will express to them, however, some part of the coming out, and of the King’s proceeding. The Queen’s incontinent living was so rank and common that the ladies of her privy chamber could not conceal it. It came to the ears of some of the Council, who told his Majesty, although with great fear, as the case enforced. Certain persons of the privy chamber and others of her side were examined, and the matter appeared so evident that, besides that crime, “there brake out a certain conspiracy of the King’s death, which extended so far that all we that had the examination of it quaked at the danger his Grace was in, and on our knees gave him (God ?) laud and praise that he had preserved him so long from it.” Certain men were committed to the Tower, viz., Marks and Norris and the Queen’s brother; then she herself was apprehended and committed to the same place; after her Sir Fras. Weston and Wm. Brereton. Norris, Weston, Brereton, and Marks are already condemned to death, having been arraigned at Westminster on Friday last. The Queen and her brother are to be arraigned tomorrow, and will undoubtedly go the same way. “I write no particularities; the things be so abominable that I think the like was never heard. Gardiner will receive 200l. of the 300l. “that were out amongst these men, notwithstanding great suit hath been made for the whole; which though the King’s highness might give in this case, yet his Majesty doth not forget your service; and the third 100l. is bestowed of the vicar of Hell [Sir Fras. Brian], upon [whom] though it be some charge unto you, his Highness trusteth ye will think it well bestowed.” From the Rolls in haste, 14 May.

P.S.—Wallop will not be forgotten, though Cromwell cannot tell at present how much he is to have. The King is highly pleased with the services of both.”

 

For more, check out the very thorough Anne Boleyn Files.

This witchy Boleyn by Carlyn Beccia

Anne Boleyn and the Merry Month of May

May of 1546 was not a good month for Queen Anne Boleyn. Accusations, the Tower, her trial and finally execution. Stay tuned over the next week for all the gory details that took place 464 years ago.

A whimsical and pompous Anne Boleyn by sculptor G. S. Stuart. Find more on his  Miniatures here.

She Fell From Grace. From the grace of His Grace. She had a long way to fall, as you can see in this early letter to her from Hunky Hal:

My mistress and friend, I and my heart put ourselves in your hands. Let not absence lessen your affection; for it causes us more pain than I should ever have thought, reminding us of a point of astronomy that the longer the days are, the further off is the sun, and yet the heat is all the greater. So it is with our love, which keeps its fervour in absence, at least on our side. Prolonged absence would be intolerable, but for my firm hope in your indissoluble affection. As I cannot be with you in person, I send you my picture set in bracelets, with the whole device, which you know already, wishing myself in their place, when it shall please you. This from the hand of your loyal servant and friend

H Rex

Look at that romantic use of poetry and science! Such similes were used in the wooing of a reluctant heart! And how far would fall that head, reluctantly severed for its own "prolonged absence" from her body! If you want a giggle, re-read the above as though it's Anne's head writing to her body. 

And for a really fascinating look into the popular Prophesies that may have been fulfilled with Anne's untimely demise, check out the really excellent blog of author/illustrator  Carlyn Beccia! I'd copy it for you here, but that would be plagiarism. Do check it out, this entry is really fascinating!

-More next time....

Love,

The Queens

PerformInk Review Roundup

The following is the review from Kevin Heckman, published in Performink:
It’s hard to say what to make of Six Dead Queens and an Inflatable Henry, now appearing at Piccolo Theatre . Tucked away in a still-in-use train station in Evanston, it’s an odd piece to discover after climbing stairs, crossing the platform itself (replete with riders waiting for their train) and entering into what appears to be a small café. From there a short hallway leads to a tiny, but well-appointed theatre, complete with the nicest lighting instruments you will see in a house this size and a few dozen padded folding chairs on platforms.

Six Dead Queens is closer to sketch than theatre. Originally created by Foursight Theatre in the UK, it bears clear signs of multi-author origins. Each of the six queens speaks with a distinct voice, but there is no real effort to create any narrative throughline or dramatic arc. Instead we move from scene to song to scene as we learn bits and pieces about each of the six women who were, for better or (more often) for worse, married to King Henry VIII. Apparently the ladies are caught in some sort of strange limbo that allows them to all share one room and one large bed where they play various games, read the papers, fight, joke and tell (or often reenact) favorite stories from their lives.

The piece was done without a director, which shows with a little bit of sloppiness at certain points, but clearly there was some sort of outside eye to help with the stage pictures, which are surprisingly varied given the limited location. The six actresses—Amy Gorelow, Dani Bryant, Brianna Sloane, Leeann Zahrt, Nicole Keating and Denita Linnertz—are of various skill levels. The women all play instruments as well, including Gorelow on cello and Zahrt on flute, accompanying themselves on a variety of songs. Zahrt, who originally introduced the piece to Piccolo, is a gifted physical comedienne who clearly enjoys the role of “the ugly one,” the little remembered Anna of Cleves. Linnertz has a commanding presence as Henry’s final wife, the imposing Catharine Parr.

In the end, this is an ideal piece for the discerning audience member who enjoys a blatant fart joke (the play begins with a long one) and appreciates the trivia of English history. At 90 minutes, Six Dead Queens… is short enough not to overstay its welcome. And if some of the sketches become a bit tedious…well something new will be along shortly. One thing is for sure: you will not see this piece again produced in Chicago, so if it sounds intriguing, you’d best get up to Evanston and check it out.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Heckman,

In response to your review roundup about the Intriguing "Qeens", the "Queens" would like to propose a challenge to you: Why not broaden your definition of theatre? It seems that you arrived to the Piccolo Theatre show expecting the traditional "dramatic composition" consisting of characters who act out a story and have a resolution at the end of the piece.

Why not consider "theatre" as a broad definition? Theatre is so much more than a plot line. It's a exploration of character. It's the interaction with the audience (fourth wall or no, the audience is a participant in the performance regardless of whether they are voyeurs or if they actually interact with the characters). The definition of theatre, especially for Chicago audiences, is so much more than you give it credit for.

The fact that The Evanston Arts depot is in a train station truly speaks to Chicago-style "storefront" roots. If there's a space where a set can be placed and an audience put in, call the space a theatre. Call the performance a piece of theatre. Call all elements of the production theatre, but do not let the term "theatre" limit your imagination.

So, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you, Mr. Heckman. Thank you for taking the time to visit one of the quirkier and interesting theaters in town. We appreciate being noticed!
-The Queens

Vorsprung durch Technik

Our dear Anna of Cleves might have greatly benefited from a piece of modern technology" The "Better Marriage Blanket"!

The official website for the product, http://www.bettermarriageblanket.com/, promises that it is the world's first and only 'flatulence odor absorbing blanket'... and  that it makes a great gift for

• Weddings

• Anniversaries

• Birthdays

• Room Mates

        Or a Humorous Occasion 

It would be a very "humorous occasion"just  to give this gift to a roommate, for a birthday or at a wedding shower... can you imagine?

But if such a thing had existed in Cleavage's day.. well, maybe there would only have been 4 queens!! 

                                                                        * * *

"Niether of us has had to spend a night on the couch for two weeks and its really warm!" 

-Sam and Leanne,  NY

perchance to dream...

All right, it's official. This amazing peice of of history is getting deep into my head. Let me tell you about my dream last night:

I had come from a long journey with my husband to a lavish, sprawling home where we were taken in as guests. On the very first night, dead tired, I prepared myself for bed, pulling back the thick blankets. Before I could climb in, a young woman appeared, in a long white nightgown. She introduced herself as the official "bed-warmer" of the house, which I understood to be a sort of concubine. I told her I did not require her services and she left. She had an air of forwardness that I did not trust and that feeling stayed with me.

Time passes in this house. We explore the many rooms, laden with shelves of objects from around the world. We have meals where course follows course. I hardly ever glimpse the host. After a time we become part of the workings of the house. I no longer feel like a guest. The "bed-warmer" is the other strong presence in the house. I know my husband has befriended her. They talk into the night-- she is full of philosphy and brass. He urges me not to distrust her.

More time goes by, and I am standing with my husband. We are getting ready for bed, brushing teeth together. I turn to him and take his face in my hands. I am filled with deep-gut love for him. I look into his eyes and tell him. He looks so sad. He tells me he is leaving with the bed-warmer in the morning. I feel all the air go out of me like a bellows. A puff of all my hopes.

I storm through the house. I throw things and smash them against the walls. I  know she has seduced him because of the money he has. Our money. She has tricked him, her philosphy ringing in my ears-- " money is just like coupons you exchange for goods" he had said, her words, I hated them when he repeated them, knowing she was getting inside him. Why hadn't I seen the crises approaching? When he left I would be bereft of everything. My life.

I go to a mirror and paint my face with dark blue, making myself ferocious. I know I am a warrior. I am precise with my paiting, blue around each eye, a peek on my forehead. I run through the house, a hunter. I find her, and I stab her through the stomach with a long spike, and hoist her body above me. I can feel the delicate balance of her sternum on my pike, the angle I need to hold her up without her slipping off, her weight. Now-- recounting, I wonder was it him I killed?

I march into the courtyard, where a returning army is parading, pikes and flags in the air, drums beating. I know I am the fiercest of them all and I take my place at the front with my gruesome flag. They are disturbed. A ripple goes through the crowd.

Next I am looking at a newspaper with Denita and Leeann, fellow queens. Did you hear about her? We ask each other. She killed him and then herself. I know it is me we are talking about. Denita has tears in her eyes.

And then I wake.
This is totally true...

-Brianna

Taking it to heart

This is totally an acting thing. I keep taking parts more and more to heart.

During the court scene, I started out talking to Henry as Henry. It didn’t really affect me in any way except as the actor Amy dealing with Henry like she would—chastising him, maybe, for being SUCH a dickhead. Then I went method and “what iffed” a guy who had screwed me over into the Henry position. That worked, a little. Then I took it one step further and put my lovely real-life boyfriend in that space. That works best. Katherine still loves him, and once I can embody why, after knowing what I know about Henry, my performance will get infinitely better. I don’t know if she understands why he is tossing her off to the side like that—only partly because of his love for Anne Boleyn, but mostly because he needs an heir, and if Anne Boleyn hadn’t been there, someone else would have.     -Amy

Silly Voyeurs

Hello everyone!  Kathryn H here :)

So there's this really weird thing that's been happening.  It's going to sound really weird I know but just go with it for a minute.

I think people are watching me.

I KNOW I KNOW it sounds weird.  I told you it would!  It's not all the time, but it happens pretty regularly and at specific times of day.  The worst part is that I don't know if they're watching all of us or just me.  I don't want to ask the other Queens, but I feel like I should.  But if the other girls can't see them and I'm crazy, then they'll all just make fun of me.

I hate when they do that.  They think they're all soooo smart with their witty comebacks.  Whatever.  I'm prettier than all of them put together.  That's probably why all these people are watching me.  That's how it's always been.  The boys watch because they want me and the girls watch because they want to be me.

Growing up at Lambeth, no one wanted to be me.  My father was poor, my mother was dead, but I was still nobility so I had to heed my ridiculous grandmother [what an awful, skinny old witch] and deal with my snake of an uncle.  Who would want that?  Plus all the boys watched all the girls.  I was never any different from any of them.  [Except for Joan Bulmer.  She had a face like a bullfrog.  I hoped I was prettier than Frog Face!]

When I arrived at court, people started treating me differently.  From the ladies, there were whispers and glances and giggles.  Some of them ignored me outright.  My dearest Anne of Cleves had to explain it to me.  I still remember how she smiled at me, half laughing and half pitying, and said, "My dear girl, you're very pretty, and I think some of my household may consider you competition."

My face turned as red as Henry's hair.

Henry was one of the many men who started to watch me when I came to court.  I liked the way a lot of them watched me.  Smiling, with a sparkle of mischief in their eyes.  At first I thought that these people who are watching me now might be a memory of that.  Many of them smile.  But no one has that little sparkle.  I miss that, more than many things.  Seeing that and knowing that someone would actually talk and laugh--and flirt ;)--with me, rather than shoving me aside and calling me a silly little girl.

I don't think these people are watching me like anyone in the court ever watched me.  The continual gaze of courtiers was always so judgemental and calculating.  Even the ones who liked me.  The were judging me to be pretty and friendly and frivolous, and that sparkle of mischief happened only once they calculated how to use me.

Henry and Thomas were the only ones who ever looked at me without a plan.  Thomas never had a plan for anything, and, as for Henry, the plan for our brief life together was all my uncle's doing and Cranmer's undoing.

Then there were the people who didn't like me.  The people who just stared.  Totally cold.  I never knew why they hated me so much.  Those were the people who stared out at my execution.  I hated them so much just then, all those eyes looking and judging, thinking that they knew the whole story when they knew maybe only a quarter of it.  When they put the blindfold over my eyes, I was just relieved that I couldn't see them anymore.

These people watching me now, they are different.  They don't judge, they don't seem to want anything.  They seem generally pleased to be watching.  Which is a very comforting feeling.

I don't think I'll ask the other Queens about these watchers.  I think I want to keep them for myself.

I wonder if I can talk to them.  I found this catalog in our Celestial Mailbox [so dubbed by Jane; she's always giving things stupid little nicknames, blech] for a place called Victoria's Secret, and I wonder if I can get one of these watchers to place an order for me.

If not, I'll have to sneak Anne's mobile.  She boxed my ears last time she caught me, and I'd much rather avoid that.

Hearts,
K

Being Jane

Plain Jane or Jane the Fair? Pious Jane, friend of Queen Katherine and champion of the Catholic cause? A saintly little wife? Or plotting, calculating, ambitious Jane? 

It has been a really difficult journey of discovery to decide which side of the coin to play, as an actress. While the personalities of these women do manage to emerge through the ages, they are often characterized by stereotype. No doubt, stereotype is fun to play with, especially when we are dealing in enlarged, baffoon versions of these queens as we do in our show. But I would like to know this woman, have some sense of her I can be certain of. Jane has been especially difficult to put my finger on because there is arguably the least amount of information on her out of all the queens of Henry. Her actions seem to suggest duplicity, and the accounts of her person from the time are too weighted by the controversy. 

Here are a few things I do know about Jane: 

• She was a supporter of Katherine of Aragon and the Catholic cause, which would have made her a very attractive pawn. 
• Also, once she was Queen, she reconciled Henry with his daughter Mary Tudor. She was reputably demure and soft spoken, gentle even, and not well educated. 
• She wrote almost not at all. Ironically, she seems to have been very adept at playing her mistress Boleyn's own game. 
• She refused Henry's advances but kept herself near.

It is frightening to think, though, at what point it became clear to her that supplanting Anne Boleyn would mean not divorce, as in Aragon's case, but certain death. Jane must have had some moxy to go forward knowing that would be the result. If she had any choice at all... Here is a delightfully worded snipet from Victorian Historian Agnes Strickland: 

Jane saw murderous accusations got up against the queen, which finally brought her to the scaffold, yet she gave her hand to the regal ruffian before his wife's corpse was cold. Yes; four-and-twenty hours had not elapsed since the sword was reddened with the blood of her mistress, when Jane Seymour became the bride of Henry VIII.

I relate very strongly to this segment from Karen Lindsey's Divorced Beheaded Survived: A Feminist Reinterpretation of The Wives of Henry VIII: 

In all the events in which she took part, Jane as an individual seems puzzlingly almost eerily absent. Her brother pushed her at the king, and she, in Strickland's apt word, "received" Henry's advances. Acting as a virtuous woman was supposed to, and as Henry seems to have wanted her to, she held out for marriage, passively watching the horrifying process of Anne's destruction. 

Did she believe in Anne's guilt? Was she angry with Anne for betraying Henry? With Henry for killing Anne? Was she frightened at the thought of marrying a man who humiliated one wife and was about to kill another? Did she ever turn to her brother and say "get me out of this?" We don't know. We don't even have enough material to make an educated guess. Was Jane willing to be used against Anne? Was she eager? Did will have anything to do with it? And what of love? The King mourned her for years. He had her painted beside him in a family portrait long after she was dead, in fact at the time Catherine Parr was his queen. What kind of a woman does Bluebeard love? I can guess a quiet one, calculating or not. A woman with a firm sense of duty and self-control who learned quickly not to interfere in politics. A woman who could attract Henry and even hold him. 

And who knows how long she would have been favored if she hadn't gotten out of the whole situation by dying? After doing her ultimate wifely duty, and giving England a Prince, of course.

 -Brianna

Beyond competition

I finally finished Alison Weir's "The 6 Wives of Henry VIII". I admire Katherine Parr as much as I admire Katherine of Aragon. There, I said it.


-Amy

The Play's The Thing...well, actually, no. It's the character that's the thing.

What is so unique about Piccolo Theatre’s production of “Six Dead Queens and an Inflatable Henry!”? Well, to start, it is a character piece, rather than the traditional “fourth-wall” type drama. It also has an extremely tight and well-balanced ensemble, who certainly deliver “the goods” and deliver them well (in some cases with beautiful pink accessories). Piccolo Theatre specializes in ensemble work and comedy (not “improve”) and most audiences this side of the Great Pond are accustomed to “fourth-wall” story-based theatre: i.e. boy meets girl, boy has girl’s head cut off, boy marries his mistress whilst the audience looks on as voyeurs.


I find this concept of “fourth-wall drama” really pretty funny, as life isn’t quite so simple as having a distinct “through-line”. Piccolo’s show is more like people-watching at your local coffee shop – the “story” isn’t so much the development of a plot, but the development of the character: the “story” of that individual queen.

What has been so enjoyable about this process has been the ensemble itself – each cast member has given their individual skills, which has created a unique balance for this show. The character study of “Six Dead Queens” is an exploration into the grotesque – buffoonery, if you will. Each “character” of the queens has been developed through clown work, physical work, mask – and yes, even a little history and a touch of the traditional “METHOD” yearned for by American audiences.

So, if you’re coming to watch a live version of “The Tudors” you may be in for a surprise. While our actresses are prettier than Jonathan Rhys Meyers, they are also more adept at finding the humor in the lives of each queen (balanced with the tragedy), not to mention a lot less diva-behavior than you find with the Hollywood A-List crowd. Plan to attend this show with the intent to participate as a knowledgeable voyeur – know that you’re “people-watching” (you can even drink coffee, provided you grab one at the concession stand before entering the theatre). Enjoy the grotesqueness of each Queen’s story!

-- Leeann (Anna of Cleves)

Getting attached.

I watched part 1 of the “Henry VIII” DVD, because now that I have a cold, I finally have the time. I didn’t like Helena Bonham Carter’s Anne Boleyn. Or maybe I just didn’t like the writing. I thought she was too sympathetic. Everything she did was for a good reason, except making Henry choose between her and Wolsey. There was nothing about Anne threatening to poison Katherine of Aragon or Mary, nothing about defacing Katherine’s seal out of spite, nothing about being two-faced. (It also didn’t show her donating to causes, obtaining leniency for religious “heretics”, or other positive things, for that matter, but that is not my tirade today.) I know there is not time in a 3-hour epic for such things, but all we saw was her rise to power and fall from it. And that was the movie.  If we have time in a 75 minute show to display Anne’s personality, then surely they could have. I know they had to throw in all that religious intrigue and stuff in there, too, but come on.

                They also cut Katherine of Aragon’s court speech. That REALLY bugged me.

-Amy, coincidentally Katherine of Aragon in our production.

Piccolo hits the New York Times!

 Ladies and Gents,

Our darling little Piccolo Theatre has been noticed by a very prestigious publication.  You have have heard of the New York Times?

At Evanston Train Depot, the Play is the Thing


How exciting is this? Not to mention the tidbits about Six Dead Queens and an Inflatable Henry.

Also, a big "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" to William Shakespeare on his birthday, today, April 23, 1564.
(Just 16 years after the death of Katerine Parr, and about 218 years before she actually started to decay. I AM IMMORTAL!!!!)  Heh heh heh!

Chicago Theater Blog review

Here's another!

and I quote:
"Six Dead Queens is an entertaining intersection of academia and vaudeville. At times uproariously funny, at times remarkably sad, the piece successfully explores how competitiveness can make women their own worst enemies, how comfort can make them their own saviors and how men can be pigs."

http://chicagotheaterblog.com/2010/04/20/6-dead-queens-and-an-inflatable-henry/

From the Chicago Reader

So, not yet purchased your tickets to "Six Dead Queens"? Shame shame! Off to the block with you! Here's what the Chicago Reader had to say:

http://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/Event?oid=1394609

Over-inflated Codpiece

My friends Don and Eric recently returned from a fabulous trip to London, where they visited the Tower of London and snapped this photo of King Henry VIII's armor.

Check out that huge peck! Could you imagine that coming toward you in battle?

Would you: 

a) Run in fear?

b) Run in shame of your own pathetic and unimpressive manhood?
c) Worry about getting your eye poked out?
d) Vow to get one of your own, the next time you were at the blacksmith's?

e) Simply fall over, dying of laughter? 

And wouldn't this make it slightly difficult to ride horse? I can only imagine the sorts of unnatural chaffing that would go on. No pain, no gain, eh?  Poor, poor, King Henry! HAHAHA!

Playing Catharine Parr, the last queen who was married to him while he was...ehem!..."unable", I find his overinflated cod-piece unbearably funny!

You are what you eat!

For those of you who will see our production (and you should!), Catharine Parr makes a reference to a certain Gillian McKeith.  I'm guessing not everyone has heard of her, but I can see why our dear Parpy would be such a fan!


"You Are What You Eat" BBC America

Gillian's personal website

Gillian is a hard-nosed, disciplined and diligent mother figure, bent on getting people to ditch their bad eating habits.  Her website has a quote that I think would particularly strike a note with Queene Parr.  "Gillian's latest technique means living under HER roof, following HER rules, with no escape."

After all, Parr was thrown into a family of 1 mad, cantankerous, obese, puss-y legged King Henry, 3 step children who all needed a good education and a mother, and don't even get me started on the state of the union! Who better than Queene Parr to get things in order, take care of the whiney and ill King, and get the noses of those future kings and queens into books?  Bring on the ultimate mother figure!


Never improper, sometimes glamourous, and always in charge and thinking of the big picture, Gillian McKeith is probably the only other human being (besides our dear Parr) who could have brought order and a sense of family life back to the Tudor court. 

Love always,
Denita
(Queene Parr)

Preview #2

What a thrill to have an audience! The preview last night went well - all the queens were ready to deliver their story. Tonight's preivew will continue to help the cast "tighten up" and deliver those punchlines with "one heckuva punch"!

Dead Queens get their say tonight!

We preview tonight to a sold out house and we are thrilled!  We can't wait to get this show in front of people.

Many of you will be familiar with the phrase "Break a Leg", right? It is arguably, historically, and superstiously the best way to tell a performer to "Go get 'em, Tiger!", or "Knock 'em dead!" or whatever it is you want to communicate to your performer without ACTUALLY saying "Good luck", which is oddly considered to be bad luck.

Those who see our show will hear a few references to Charles and Camilla ("Vanilla").  It appears that our dear "Vanilla" has actually broken her leg in honor of our previews!  Prince Charles' Wife, Camilla, Breaks Leg

Poor dear!  The Six Dead Queens wish you a speedy recovery, and hope that you read up on the old custom and simply just wish us broken legs next time.

By the way, Happy 5th Anniversary (today) to the happy couple!

We have a sort of cabaret/burlesque vibe running throughout our little show, so I thought I'd honor that with some dance numbers dedicated to each queen.  Enjoy!!

Katherine of Aragon
Michelle L'Amour's Tango

Anne Boelyn
Ditta von Teese montage

Jane Seymour
Lola Van Ella

Anna of Cleves
Sugar Kane

Kathryn Howard
The Little Blonde Bomb, Inga Ingenue ;)

Catherine Parr
Wrong country, but Dirty Martini has the militaristic thing going fo' sho'!

Oh, Henry!

Well, we're bustling with activity as we approach tech week. All the loose ends are being tied- and these Queens are not above getting their hands dirty.  Actually a few of us dyed our hands bright red today in prepping our Bed of State. And one especially loose end is being taken care of... our inflatable husband! 


As I work to develop my own cartoon, I came across some very inspiring interpretations of His Royal Grace on the wonderful internet. Here they are for your enjoyment!


-Brianna aka Jane the Quene.

....What a hunk, eh? Check this next one out:

Such Noble Features! And here is my favorite:

Now There's a Man who's Easy to Love, eh?

Want to see what I come up with?

........You'll have to see the show

Portraits of Queendom

Catherine of Aragon

Anne Boleyn

Jane Seymour

Anna of Cleves

Katherine Howard

Catherine Parr

xoxo-Brianna

Hunky Harry

c.1509 by an unknown artist. This is the earliest surviving portrait of Henry as king of England. 

It can be viewed at the Denver Art Museum.

His Majesty is the handsomest potentate I ever set eyes on; above the usual height, with an extremely fine calf to his leg, his complexion very fair and bright, auburn hair combed straight and short, in the French fashion, and a round face so very beautiful that it would become a pretty woman, his throat being rather long and thick.... He will enter his twenty-fifth year the month after next. He speaks French, English and Latin, and a little Italian, plays well on the lute and harpsichord, sings from book at sight, draws the bow with greater strength than any man in England and jousts marvelously.... a most accomplished Prince. the Venetian diplomat Pasqualigo in a dispatch, 1515